Wednesday, May 14, 2014

What I have been thinking...

Well hello there everyone... I hope you all are doing stellar this here almost Mid May;) I took a step back from blogging (not IG you know I can't leave my true love - LOL) and I truly believe it has taught me a few things. This post will be open and honest and so it goes...

1. People are crazy or sad... or crazy and sad... You can get so caught up in the Internet world that you forget to look at things from an "outsider". An "outsiders" perspective can be very different then when you are all "up in the mix". Not that being crazy or sad is a bad thing - it is just a different perspective that I had not related to in awhile.

2. Life is passing and time is not about to stop - that beautiful breeze in the backyard feels so good on my pasty skin... that screaming kid telling her brother "you are NOT the best brother anymore" still has the cutest button nose and longest killer eyelashes... Playing Connect 4 367 times in a row IS fun... Sleeping in, in the mornings is AMAZING. I had gotten so caught up in "finding the time" to write posts that I passed some of these things up here and there.

3. I enjoy browsing and then moving on. I would over analyze, re-read, analyze again, etc... It feels nice to skim and move on about my day.

4. Laughter... I missed laughing. I laugh that is just WHO I AM... and I was losing that about myself. I wasn't laughing as much anymore - I was getting stressed, hurt, and fun Mel was becoming somewhat of a "fun sponge".

5. Competitive Mel was rearing her ugly head... I have never been one to dismiss the fact that I am a competitive person but sometimes this can get out of control. I always root for everyone to reach their dreams, potential, and/or fulfill their goals and there was a part of me that was getting annoyed and spiteful. That is NOT ME! I don't like that part of me, even though comparing ourselves to one another is human nature - it can spiral out of control and I was headed down that road. I had to NIX that in the bud with a quickness. Feels nice to have the "good ole Mel" back.

6. Validation... I admit, getting validation from others was nice (if anyone tells you that they don't enjoy validation from others, they are LYING in my opinion) - but was it truly needed? No it wasn't. I have wonderful friends and family that support and encourage me. My friends IRL and the one's I have met online that are now my life long friends, love me for me and know the real me.

7. Not everyone will like or understand me... Yes it is true I struggle with this. I want to be a good person that people walk away from and say "she was really nice, I enjoyed meeting her" but truth is, NOT everyone will understand or like me. After I took a step back I realized that I can be the nicest person on the planet and SOMEONE will always find something negative to say or think. No I don't think it is okay, but I deal with it better now.

8. I am a passionate girl... Yep... I am passionate about what I do and that included blogging and sometimes being completely passionate can make or break you. I was caught up in posting EVERY SINGLE DAY, trying to make my content worthwhile, and/or giving the readers what THEY want to hear. That type of passion turned into resentment and time spent doing something that just didn't bring me that much joy anymore. Sad, but true.

With all this being said, I still love the blog world and the wonderful relationships it forms, help it provides to those in need, and... not going to lie, entertainment. To say I am done blogging is a LIE... I love popping in and saying hi, sharing stories of my life, and seeing how everyone is doing. I just felt compelled to state these eight findings today for my own personal reference.

Hope this finds you all well and have a wonderful rest of May:)

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Life lately... the running part...

Hey there! Hai, hai, hai... Life's going my friends. Where shall I start?

I ran my first half marathon of 2014 on April 6th. It is that course with #allthehills in downtown St. Louis. I, honestly, had not been running much at ALL prior to. I logged about 15 miles total in 3 months before the race BUT... I committed so I got up and ran.

It was a gorgeous day to run and I paid 80 bucks so I wasn't about to NOT get my money's worth:) First 5 miles I was doing fine - slower than usual but keeping the momentum. Mile 6 was an incline and I saw this kid with this sign that said "shortcut" and I am not lying 77% of me was ready to head off the trail and follow that kid to the nearest Lions Choice... but I kept at it and told myself if I can get up the Holy Hill I was GOLDEN. Mile 10 I got my second wind and Lil Wayne started with "A Milli" and I was OFF... Finished the 13.1 in 2:20 - NOT near my usual time but I was really proud of myself - I overcame my self doubt, my head telling me to DETOUR, and I didn't eat 2 roast beef's with cheese, fries, and a large Root Beer that afternoon from my fav Lions C...;)

The following weekend I had signed up to run a 5K for MODOT Work Zone Awareness and so we did. This course was no joke - it was another incline city but each 1/2 mile they had a cone set up with a worker who had lost his/her life on the job - it was motivation, a reminder to slow down in work zones, and my realization that this could happen to E at any moment, on the days he is out in the field. Scary...

This was E's first race EVER (his work put a team together) so he was pretty AMPd up... He stuck with me for the first mile and we clocked in about an 8:30 mile - then the second mile I pulled back - he was in the ZONE and I thought, hey why not let him run this run? I didn't want him to worry about where I was or blah, blah, blah... and I am not going lie - I was tired and my body STILL hurt from the half the weekend before (yes training is worth it - hahaha). I stuck behind him - he came in around 27 something and I was right behind at 28 something. Not my fastest race but, once again, I chose running instead of waffles that morning - WINNING!

Saturday I am going to get out there and hopefully crank out around 13 miles. My boy Tim and his hot wife (my sweet friend) Jenn are running their first half marathon Saturday morning, and I really wanted to be there. I can't make it this time around, so I am going to run WITH them - just virtually:)

I am back to running... Glad to be - I truly missed it. I am pumped to get my running back in order. I am starting to book up my race calendar and plan to run my next 26.2 in October - the St. Louis Rock N Roll Marathon - YAY! I also think that K9Bish and I are going to run 26.2 at the St. Jude Memphis Marathon in December, just hoping it is NOT another repeat from last year.

If anyone is planning any STL races and wants to run with someone or at least meet at the start line - let me know? I have been racing solo lately and miss having someone there as motivation and support to keep going.

Hope everyone is doing well. I will update more on life MINUS the running part soon. MISS YOU ALL TREMENDOUSLY! Have a wonderful Easter.

Thursday OUT

  How is racing going for you? Started running for the first time? Trying something new?

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Saying Goodbye...

Last week was supposed to be filled with spring break antics for the kids and fun for the family - and then I received a call that my grandfather was in the hospital. I wrote about my G-pa back in October when he had a heart attack - you can read it HERE.

My grandfather had been doing well since the heart surgery, but with increased shortness of breath and the diagnosis of Pulmonary Fibrosis he wanted to take himself to the hospital. He went to his small town hospital on a Saturday evening and they sent him to St. Louis to one of our bigger hospitals. He did well on Sunday and by Monday my father was saying that he would be going "home", unfortunately things took a turn for the worse.

I wanted to visit him at the hospital on Monday after work but I had class and it doesn't let out until 9:30 PM - and visiting hours would be over for sure. Tuesday my father called and told me that the doctor called and it might not be long - so I left work and headed to the hospital. I talked with G-pa, laughed at his hatred for the food, quirkiness with the nurses, and told him I loved him - held his hand and kissed his forehead when I left to go back to work. He was having the hardest time breathing and his oxygen levels were dropping and the doctor had told us it was time to learn to "let go". He made it until around 5:00 p.m. and I got the call that G-pa passed. I asked my Dad to please let me see him one last time - so I headed back up to the hospital to be with my father and grandmother and see him for the final time. Saying goodbye was extremely tough - but seeing my grandmother (whom he had been married to for 64 years) and my father in pain - was even tougher. This was first close family member to pass in my short 33 years and I wasn't prepared for the sadness that I would feel.

Long story short... the wake, funeral, and weekend consisted of grief and a celebration of his life. So many memories and wonderful stories shared - it touched my heart...

I will remember:
- him lacing up his fine leather boots and getting ready for the Mason Lodge on the weekends
- his old type writer and him sitting down to write REAL letters
- him making us ice cream with his ice cream maker in the basement of his "City" house
- the long rides down to the "Country" and the music we listened to down there
- his love for farming and sending us kids home with TONS of veggies and fruit
- him trying to teach me to "hook those worms" and to succumb to the "country girl" life
- his YELLOW Freight notepads lying all over the house for me to play "secretary" with
- his delicious REAL breakfasts in the morning - cooked with lard and love
- the way he combed his snow white hair back with his small black comb
- his mustache tickling our cheeks as he kissed us goodbye

There are so many more memories that I will cherish. He was a GOOD man - a truly genuine GOOD man who will be missed by all who had the pleasure of knowing him.