I have been working out hard core lately, running like a champ, doing yoga, and finding time outdoors with my kids to get in physical activity - and guess what? that makes you start to feel good on the inside - as well as the out. AND... my goal this summer was to be in a bikini - that has been a determination of mine for the last SIX years and I finally feel like THIS year I put my mind to it - and tried to accomplish it.
One afternoon I hit up Nordstrom's to look for a swim suit - I leave for San Diego in less than a month and I needed to buckle down and just buy one. As I was walking around the swim section - I noticed I immediately gravitate towards the one pieces - and honestly they have some HAWT one's out there right now. I was picking up one piece after one piece, not remembering that I was here to buy a BIKINI!!! This adorable, TINY, smokin hot, little, sales lady - did I mention she was SMALL... - came over and asked if she could help me. I immediately blurted out "Ummmm... I am here to buy a bikini but I can't get myself to pick one up - it's been 6 years and 2 kids since I tried one on and I am freaked out". Yeah... I probably should of just went with "Can you help me find a bikini" BUT my anxiety got the best of me. She was so helpful - gave me about 8 bikini's to try on... from floral ones, to fringe ones, to sailor looking ones, in all colors, styles, etc... And... off I went to the dressing room with heart palpitations.
Yep the 3 way mirrors were staring at me - so I got started, with my phone in hand to have help from Michelle - the one person who won't lie to me about how clothes, shoes, etc... work on me. Tried on this floral one first - snapped a few pics and the response was "Does not fair". Fabulous.. just freaking fabulous... Can you say EGO KILL right off the bat. Ugh... Then I tried on this other pink one that I did not even send the pic - because it looked horrendous to the point of laughing hysterically. Another suit - sent the pic - and I get... "Let's try solids, maybe something in orange or red". Well they had NOTHING I would even remotely wear in red or orange unless I was 10 years younger and I am NOT! So now my anxiety is through the roof and I am all depressed. I should NOT have tried on bikini's - I just should of stuck with the one pieces.
I had two more suits left - this black adorable little Ralph Lauren number, with these cute little ruffle bottoms. Tried it on and HATED the ruffle bottoms on me - I looked R.I.D.I.C.U.L.O.U.S. For real - you think this mama of 2 should be going around accentuating her hips - ummm no... Sent the pic... I get "I like the top" - BAM... you are killing me here... But... that's why you are my "go to". And... honestly at this moment I was about to quit - but I tried on the blue one - the last one. I actually kind of liked it before I even sent the pic... It was the ONLY one I wouldn't feel like I was trying to be Ashley Benson from "Spring Breakers" in. And... I sent the pic.. "I like" - FINALLY!!!!! It it didn't say "I love or HOT or Get it Mel" but it said "I like". I will freaking take it - wrap that puppy up!
So $150 bucks later (yes I know a little steep - but feeling good in a bikini to ME is priceless - plus I don't do the bills;), a few mini heart attacks, depression, etc... I have that little blue baby in my closet and I took a few pics of me in it and IG'd that sucker... Marcy, Kimmy, and Ashley may have helped me to hit "SHARE" AND I am so glad they did.
I faced a huge fear - putting my body back in a bikini and putting it out there... I was even contemplating taking the suit back - but I can't thank you all enough for the encouraging words - it meant the world to me!!! Honestly it did... I stepped up my game.. and finally started seeing results... It just takes determination and consistency (and a few cheat days) and you can feel good again... (Oh if you want to see the pic - you are going to have to go IG - I am still too chicken to post it here - BALK BALK BALK- see somethings NEVER change;)
Thank you all again and I will be keeping it!!!
Tomorrow I will be posting on the "fears" I had about running my FIRST half marathon - Kate from The Widgeon Nest - put together this GREAT link collection and I want to elaborate on it for you.