Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Learning to Love Yourself - Part I...

It's Tuesday and guess what I am NOT going to say it... but I know you are thinking it;) This post will most likely be broken into 2 parts... I was discussing a few things over the weekend with K9Bish and our discussion lead me to want to write this post.

I feel like a poser sometimes when I talk about my weight loss journey - I was NOT always the heavy girl - I had periods of being heavier, but as we all know those "periods" can mean more to you than ANY other moments in your life. I wanted to set the record straight as to where I was and who I am now... This post will be weight related, as well as internal conflict related...

Part I...

Growing up - Grade School Years...
My parents were married until I was seven and we lived the suburban life. I was a girl who felt good about herself. I enjoyed dancing, being with my friends, and both my parents ALWAYS made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl on Earth... I had no issues with my body, looks, personality, etc...




My parents divorced in 1987 and we moved from our house in the suburbs, in with my grandparents in the city. It was a time of transition for ALL of us - my brother, mom, dad, grandparents, and myself. I started a new school, had to make new friends, quit my dance, and started to develop issues with myself. I started gaining weight from about 4th grade - 7th grade. I remember feeling "bigger" than the majority in my class. I remember little things like being called "marshmallow legs" and "precisely plump". I remember the boys liking the other girls and I was always in the friend zone. I never really felt "pretty" - yet my parents continued to tell me I was beautiful.





I remember getting on the scale and it read 142 and I was 11. Yes I weighed the same then that I do now. It wasn't a good feeling but I didn't really understand how it would impact me in later years. I was the bigger girl that had TONS of guys friends and an awesome group of girl friends that never ONCE made me feel bad about myself. It was all me...

I hit puberty, started playing soccer, and working out in my basement to get ready for high school and guess what? the weight came off.

Growing up - High School Years
I walked into high school the first day and didn't feel like "marshmallow legs" - I had really worked on things and finally felt "good" about myself again. I was thinner, had a great group of friends, and was happy. High school was fine - I fluctuated as every normal teenager does (and teased by some for the normal high school bull)... but all in all I felt okay about myself - YET... I noticed how critical I had become of MYSELF... I would critique my legs, my arms, my nose, etc... Why did I do this to myself - why did I not measure up to the "beautiful girls" I had in my head?




Growing up - College Years
I made it through high school fine and left to go away for college. I had my 2 best girlfriends with me and we were ready to conquer the world. In college I actually learned a great deal about myself. I still compared myself to other women and still found MANY flaws, but I was becoming my own person and this overshadowed some of the hurt I felt as a "chubby child". I truly believe going away to college (although it came with MANY negative aspects) was the best thing that could of ever happened to me. I was gaining independence and finding out that I was not that bad of a person to "love".




Part II will include pregnancy 1, post pregnancy 1, pregnancy 2, post pregnancy 2, and NOW...
To be continued... 

22 comments:

  1. You are beautiful Mel...inside and out!

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  2. Love seeing your childhood pics, so fun! You were always pretty :)

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  3. Those dreaded pre-pubescent years! I chubbed up during that time, too.

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  4. I absolutely LOVED this post! One time in middle school I got called a big fat banana... I was in this god awful moo moo number my Mama thought was just beautiful. I may or may not have thrown it out in the woods upon returning home from school that day! XOXO

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  5. Kids are so cruel. They really are!! You are such a great person inside and out!!! Beautiful!

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  6. I love posts like this, because everyone has so many challenges that they overcome, and they do so in a million different ways. Can't wait to see how this story links up with your present day story!

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  7. I adore you!

    I was the big girl from 4th grade to 7th grade. It probably didn't help that I went to a small Lutheran school and there were only 8 kids in my class. Diversity much?!?!?

    My biggest fear is that Molly will have the same self doubts that I did/do have about myself. I want her to be a kid for as long as possible and not worry about her weight.

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  8. You are so gorgeous! I was having a reflective moment myself this weekend about how I let myself gain so much weight & lose control of my eating habits. I think it was when I lost my teaching job YEARS ago. Womp womp. Time to pull my shit together thanks to your motivation!

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  9. Love this post. And even though you didn't say anything about this, I love that your kids, Elle especially, seem so confident and comfortable in their skin. It is obvious in every pic I see of them that they are loved and love themselves. You are a beautiful role model for them :)

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  10. You were and are absolutely beautiful, inside and out. I can so relate to this post. I was 212 in 8th grade! It took a major toll on my self worth. Still is to this day. It's so hard to see myself as I really am. I will forever be, a "work in progress". But having met some amazing bloggers like yourself, helps me realize, it's ok to have ups and downs. Just adore you! Your kiddies are so lucky to have such a wonderful mama and positive roll model!

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  11. if you ask me you look great in all the pics!!!

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  12. It is kind of crazy how it's little moments in life that can leave such an impact in life. I was a chubby child/teen but I was friends with everybody and very rarely made fun of. But OOOOOHHHH the times I was made fun of, those times were burned into my memory. Cool series. Anxious for part deux

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  13. I love this and can't wait to read more. You have always had that huge smile on your face and nothing can take that shine away! You are beautiful!

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  14. I got to the end of your post and was like, "What? No! I want to read more!" Mel, your struggles sucked but led you to be the inspiring person you are today. Thank you for sharing all of your positives and negatives with us in unedited honesty!

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  15. Great post, I think we all struggle like this but most of us won't lay it out there. I know you're helping someone with this one!

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  16. Great Post!!
    It took me forever to get to a place where I am more comfortable in my own skin. Running helped a lot. Not just because it helped me get in shape but because it gives me some me time and gives me something to be proud of my self to sticking with.
    You are lovely!

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  17. I feel like our histories with weight are a lot alike. I was never overweight, but still struggled with losing, and always felt like a bigger one. It's funny how now I'm skinnier than I was in high school!

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  18. We are our own worst critics. I went through a chubby stage after my parents divorce too! Then before 9th grade lost it all but STILL thought I was fat. I never regret going away to college either. It's the best! So glad you are writing this I can't wait for part dos!!! MUAH!

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  19. I loved this! Though I think you have always been that pretty girl, even if you thought different. Just think, there might have been someone comparing themselves to you as the beautiful girl and you didn't even know it! Can't wait for part 2 :)

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  20. Love this Mel! We are our own worst critics! I have never been overweight until now. It wasn't until 2006 when I lost my grandfather. But, now I am on a mission! You were beautiful then and are STILL beautiful now - inside and out!!! xoxo

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