Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Learning to Love Yourself - Part II

Part II... Read Part I Here

Growing up - Pregnancy 1 and Post Pregnancy 1
So by now you know that after college I got married and pretty much felt the same as I did in college. I became pregnant with my first child in December 2006. I am going to be honest - I ATE... I didn't care - why should I? I was PREGGO!!! I was nearing 200 lbs by delivery and I am only 5'5 - I had a blast eating trays of cookies, loaves of bread, dinners for two, etc... and my weight showed this... Want to see me as a linebacker - check out my picture HERE


It was when Elle came home that I really felt the burden of losing the weight that comes with post pregnancy. I was not the girl who had the weight just "melt off". I didn't leave the hospital in skinny jeans. I had to work at it - REALLY work at it... It bothered me - why me - why do I have to work so hard at losing weight? (Um.... maybe because you ate 3 lbs of cookies in one sitting - Mel - just sayin) I would see all these women go in and come out looking fabulous and I was still carrying around 25 lbs of extra weight 5 months later. It played on my mind and it sucked...



Finally 2 years later and after MUCH working out and starting to "somewhat" run - the weight came off. I had been doing Atkins for sometime and the weight melts off when I cut out carbs - but honestly, who I am kidding - carbs are the fiber of my being... so what did I do...?? Oh get pregnant again.


Growing up - Pregnancy 2 and Post Pregnancy 2
I was 127 lbs when I got pregnant with the Wes man in October 2009 - the least I had weighed since college. It felt decent... I was WAY more careful during Wes's pregnancy, instead of 3 lbs of cookies I ate 2;) No for real - I did somewhat better, I had only gained around 45-50 lbs with Wes during my entire pregnancy. I had thought "Geesh...weight loss will be easy after him" - BOY... I was wrong... You can see my preggo with Wesley pic HERE.

The last 20 lbs were awful to take off and once again I wondered why other women walk out of daycare getting ready to deliver and bring the kiddos back in a size 2? I mean come on!!! I had Wes in July of 2010 and at his Baptism, after seeing pics, I decided it was time... Time for me to make a change, time for me to stop comparing myself to others, time to face the fact that I was NOT happy with myself. I shied away from the camera (I know can you believe it?), hated dressing up, cringed next to happy/skinny people, and was losing my "Mel Spunk".




Growing up - The first couple years after having children
I can say I officially started running in the Spring of 2011. My SIL Lauren called me up and said "Let's go" - I am going to run 6 miles and you are going with me AND guess what I did... I ran it - probably at a snails pace, but I did. I ran with Lauren for 6 months or so while she trained for her first half-marathon (insert K9Bish - she was training for the same half) and we all started running together. I fell in love with running - I started to feel decent again, weight started coming off, I felt strong/confident, I was gaining back ME... It was the first time since 2006 that I looked in the mirror and didn't want to critique every inch of me. I was a happier Mel - still up 10 lbs but a happier person to boot:)

Summer 2012
Now
I have 2 half marathons under my belt and some fun 5k's, 5 milers, 4 milers, etc... and running/working out has become a part of "me". I have 4 halves coming up this fall and a full marathon in December - so yes running is my "thang". Running makes me happy - makes me "me".

Do the thoughts of "precisely plump" still ring in my head - YES. Do I still wonder why it is harder for me to lose weight than others - YES. Do I still step on the scale and want to be 10 lbs thinner - YES. But when I put on clothes I don't feel that "knot in my stomach" kind of feeling - I feel DECENT. I might not be the smallest mom of 2 out there - but I am a strong and healthy (minus bags and bags of Swedish Fish) mama and I am proud of that.

So I would be lying if I said I had this fabulous weight loss journey to share with you. I had periods of being heavier, but I had years and years of hurtful memories from teasing in my head. I had my own issues with comparing myself to others. I had to work on my self esteem. I had to rebuild confidence. I had to learn to love me. Sitting here in 2013 I can honestly say I smile because I have accepted my faults, found strength in who I am, surround myself with positive things, and keep learning something about myself each day. (such as embrace the selfie - wrinkle forehead and all;)


All Natural Mel
Smile Friends...

30 comments:

  1. I don't know where you could even find 10 pounds to lose! You look wonderful! I just turned 30, and need to drop 60 plus pounds. I never lost weight after either pregnancy, now I'm paying for it!!

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  2. You look great! Thanks for sharing your story.

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  3. I love hearing others weight loss stories! Thanks for that!

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  4. Again, you are gorgeous. Thanks for sharing your story with us!!! I love your positive personality! You are inspiring!

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  5. I love this....mainly because I KNOW I will be depressed once I pop this baby out. I'll make sure I come back and read it again for motivation. :)

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  6. Beautiful girl! I love that you just put it out there and you're real. Beautifully written you are just beautiful inside and out!!! Girl crush. Ha!

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  7. Loved your stories! You look amazing! After this baby comes, I'm going to need lots of motivation to get this weight off!!

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  8. Thanks for sharing your story! It's nice to hear other's journeys.

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  9. You are such a beautiful girl! :)(inside & out!) Thanks for sharing your story with us! Your such an inspiration!! XOXO

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  10. You look great and are such a great motivator! I hope I look that good after having another. And thanks for sharing, sometimes its just nice to know someone else goes through some of the same feelings!

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  11. Thank you for sharing your story! The negative self talk - in our heads and out loud - is so harmful to us. I've been heavy my whole life with maybe 1 period where I was not heavy. I've lost about 40 lbs but can't get past that point. I've finally reached the point where I am taking it to the next level and going to see an endocrinologist per my regular drs recommendation. I want to lose about 25-30 more but even with boot camp, running, tracking calories, limiting myself to 1200 cal - nothing is happening. It is hard and frustrating - hard to stay motivated to keep on keeping on. Hearing other people's stories helps so THANKS!

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  12. This is why you're beautiful inside and out, because you keep it real! Loved your story! Xoxo

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  13. This is exactly what I needed to hear today.

    Time for me to make a change, time for me to stop comparing myself to others, time to face the fact that I was NOT happy with myself. I shied away from the camera (I know can you believe it?), hated dressing up, cringed next to happy/skinny people, and was losing my "Mel Spunk".

    All I need to do is to substitute Becky with Mel, and that is how I have felt for a LONG TIME!!! I was down to 175 by Brady's first birthday.... Which for me was great. Today I am rocking 220 (yeah I said it.... which is about 10 pounds shy of what I weighed the day I gave birth to Brady.)

    I think after my pity party yesterday, I am ready to make the change. And not half ass. It is going to be hard, but I owe it to myself to be happy..

    Love you!!!

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  14. Loved reading your journey!!

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  15. Love reading this, Mel! You are so honest and that is what makes me love you!! Well, not all that makes me love you, but you get the idea! xoxo

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  16. You are such an amazing woman!!! So inspiring and SO motivating!! It shows in your smile, how happy you are. It is infectious!
    Isn't it ironic that we tell our babies they are individuals, special in their own way, and not to compare themselves to others...but we can't see it in ourselves. I guess its all part of the growing process. Just love you!

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  17. You're so pretty! Thanks for sharing :)

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  18. Great post -- gives me hope!

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  19. I want to be ten pounds down from where I am today. I have been struggling with these 10 pounds for about two years now, but I was ten pounds thinner when I got married and I just so want to be back there. Thank you for sharing your story!

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  20. Our weight loss stories are similar (minus the pregnant thing). I have never been an overly large person, but I do struggle with body image issues and comparing myself to others (WAY too much). This post hit home for me. I'm hoping that as I continue to train for this half, that I learn to love what I see looking back at me in the mirror. Thanks Mel! As always... I adore you! So glad I've got you in my life!

    (sorry, I'm horrible at commenting on posts in the summer. I usually read from my iPad and for some reason, it won't let me post from there.)

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  21. You are seriously amazing! I loved these 2 post! So amazing and inspiring!!! You rock and you are stunningly beautiful!!

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  22. Thanks for sharing this! So important to see everyone's journey is the same. Makes you a beautiful person inside that matches your outside. You're gonna rock the full!

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  23. So glad you shared all that. You're just fantastic and you look incredible. So it has all paid off! Go you!

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  24. Thank you for sharing this! I am recovering from foot surgery, but after that, I cannot wait to get back to the running mode again. You have done a remarkable job and you look amazing! You are definitely a strong motivator and I appreciate this post more than you know.

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  25. this is inspiring!! you are amazing.

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  26. 1. You were always beautiful.
    2. Great posts.
    3. I like the serious Mel almost as much as I do silly Mel.

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  27. I just read these two posts back to back and first of all, thank you for sharing your story - I can relate to it on so many levels - but secondly and most importantly, you are beautiful inside and out :) I remember reading your post about running 4 miles and thinking, holy smokes, that girl can run :) Thank you for inspiring this mama to run :)

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  28. I can totally relate to losing my "Mel spunk"....well, my spunk, not yours...when I was bigger.
    I wasn't happy with me so I couldn't be the extrovert, vivacious girl everyone knew me as.
    It feels DAMN GOOD to have that spunk back!
    And I'm glad you have yours back cos we all sure enjoy it!! :)

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